Letters from Iraq
30th Brigade Combat Team
FOB KMTB (Camp Caldwell)
18 April 2004
Greetings from the Iraqi desert! According to the unit we replaced, the weather was going to be one of the monotonies that we had to look forward to in the coming months. El Iraqi had different thoughts. Rain comes every three or four days in a format unlike anything imaginable. Clouds begin forming in the western sky with an ominous foreboding of coming attractions. Then the desert sands lift off of their floor forming a wall that is initially mysterious but soon is mysterious no longer as it descends upon us. Rain during this time of year usually consists of about 1/100th of an inch of precipitation. On one occasion we probably had a quarter-inch of rain mixed with lightning but that was only once. Since the wind precedes the water and the sky is saturated with sand, what falls is not clear water but actually mud. This explains the inability of a HUMMWV’s windshield wipers to actually clean a windshield. The wipers actually smear the mud in concentric circles so as to impair one’s ability to see out of said windshield. It is all a part of the joy of desert living.
There is now a thermometer positioned outside the Brigade headquarters. I have no idea of its accuracy but can say that it hovers between 55 and 140 degrees. At this rate the mercury will literally explode in a few months. Perhaps it was sold to us as a clever ploy to affect the morale of our troops. It’s working! I do know that I spent the night on a mountaintop recently and experienced a chill rivaling the winter storm I enjoyed in Toronto, Canada this past January. The bottom line is: we have weather in Iraq unfit for human life.
For the uninformed, we have a thrice-weekly experience that we call a BUB. A BUB is a battle update brief lead by the Brigade Executive Officer in its rare moments of sanity. This is also the time when BG Hickman gets to see his staff in all their glory. You would think that our competence would exude off the screen of a PowerPoint presentation meant to impress General officers and baffle all others. More often than not, it becomes a comedy show and the movie “Groundhog Day” comes to mind more than anything else. For instance, we began one BUB with the intelligence report on the weather for the next three days. It was an impressive slide that would make any meteorologist drool at the mouth. Day One – mostly cloudy, high 92, low 73 and all with a pretty picture of a sun partially hidden behind some clouds. And so it continued for Days two and three. Pretty heady stuff! But then BG Hickman, showing that he is a man of exactness, says: “The Division reports that it is supposed to be ‘partly sunny’ today rather than ‘partly cloudy.’” Now, the real intelligent discussion begins. Our intelligence officer kind of insists on it being partly cloudy and the General comes back, “But Division says it is partly sunny.” Good grief!?! After five full minutes of bantering about the difference between the two we move on the next item of intelligence. We move on, not because someone has won, but because that dead house has now descended into a Sheol beyond which there is no return.
This past week I spent three days away from Camp Happy doing more Army stuff. It is genuinely encouraging to see the initiative of the soldier to take a demanding situation and turn it into an opportunity to excel. At one of our outlying FOBs they have erected two tents on recently poured concrete pads for the purposes of a dining facility, a PX and an area affectionately known as MWR. In the dining facility they have round plastic tables surrounded by plastic chairs. Everything is white, falsely indicating some level of sanitation. The food is served buffet style on cardboard plates that fail to insulate the temperature of the food from one’s hands. Off to the side, there are cookies, fruit, two flavors of kool-aid, milk and canned soft drinks. A meal fit for champions! The PX in the other tent is surrounded by plywood-constructed walls on the interior, so as to secure the contents. Chicken wire is laid just underneath the ceiling of this tent insuring firmness and a modicum of safety. The two individuals operating the PX are both experienced managers of same level within the Sam Walton domain. We are still waiting for the lower prices. 
MWR stands for morale, welfare and recreation. I have only seen two MWR tents thus far. Both are empty of anything but have the promise of more to come. I have been encouraging to soldiers to just go in those tents and imagine they are having a good time. It is one way to pass the time of day.
Finally, for some very strange reason I am referred to on occasion as the “Sergeant Major.” It is nothing against Sergeant Majors in general, but I do have issues with being mistaken for the Brigade Sergeant Major.
I think we have some soldiers who need additional screening on their eyes. What do you think? I am the one on the right.
CH(LTC) Dennis Goodwin
Brigade Chaplain
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