Humor Archives |
May 12, 2003 You could be a Redneck if the beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction. A bum asks a man for two dollars. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum said, "No." The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?" What do you call an accordionist with a beeper? An optimist. Microsoft Boot Camp One of Microsoft's finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: It's leaving here just fine. The trouble must be at your end! Chess In the middle of a chess tournament at a midtown hotel, the electricity failed and the contestants were forced to wait in the lobby while repairs were made. After some time had passed, the conversation among the players turned to past games. It seemed that each player had only triumphs and awesome feats of skill to his credit. The talk became louder and more raucous, until a passing guest stopped a bellman to ask what the commotion was about. "Oh, nothing much," replied the bellman. "Just chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." |
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A second site not so well done, but still quite humorous Lots of popups though |
May 19, 2003 The Classifieds (Actual excerpts from classified sections) Illiterate? Write today for free help. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home too. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home. |
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